Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Why the Twilight books/film were my idea.*

I woke up this morning wallowing in the idea that the lady who wrote Twilight is somewhat a dream-stealing thief.** I'm sure she's not - I'm sure she's a lovely lady; but here's the thing. I've never watched it, but from what I gather of the Channel 4 advert for the film, here's the basic outline of the story:

Vampire - innocent girl - innocent girl falls for vampire - vampire falls in love with innocent girl, and tries to avoid evilness just to be with her - they make babies, excellently.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

No lady, girl or woman out there will be surprised when I shout out loud that, OI, YOU STOLE THAT FROM ME - I HAD THAT DREAM OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN MY TEENS! A man capable of great evil - vampire, or simply a little womanising shite - falls in love with me and my greatness and changes for me. YES. He loves me that much what else can he do? He has to fight his daily evil urges because his amorous feelings for me go above and beyond his desire to drink human blood/sleep with other women/break into a bank (delete where appropriate). In his eyes, I am perfect.

All this Stephanie Mayer lady had to do to make millions was find her teenage diary and copy it, slyly smirking with the knowledge that she would have every woman between the age of 13 and forever daydreaming about dangerous love with every new turn of the page, every change of scene. I knew making money was simple. I wonder if "I Hate My Mum" could develop into anything...

Incidentally, as I am unaware of the ending of this tertralogy, it may well be the case that the vampire dude gives up and sucks the blood out of his beau, while she stares lovingly on. In which case, JOY, that would make it something of an anti-dream! What a great life lesson. You can dream all you like, love, but your man will always go back to sucking blood.

The End.

*Not really.
**Again, not really.

1 comment:

  1. I wanted to hate the Twilight films (just jealous) but the first one was a bit Indie and I liked it. The rest though - meh.

    Although apparently female erotica is the new hot thang! Try getting THAT on radio 4!!

    Thank you for your lovely comments by the way. xxJane