Thursday, 14 May 2009

A small blog on being bashed by a thought, how animals want to kill us, how, really, we should all call him Gordy and other such lunacies.

I was in Costa Coffee again, and a thought struck me. (This happens too often - I wish they'd stop striking me & leave me to my mind numbing boredom once in a while.) Anyway, the thought that smacked me down good this time was how stupid we've all been. The animal kingdom has been involved in a conspiracy to kill us all and we've been sat around discussing the benefits of face masks and making jokes about flying pigs! Those swines that be the subject of our sniggers are currently indulging in the last laugh.

"Pah! What evidence do you have?" I hear you ask. Watson, just look to the past. First and foremost, what about that damn snake what lived in Eden and made naughty little Eve eat the apple back in the day, subsequently dictating that our entire lives were and are continuously being filled with heartbreak, woe, excruciating child-birth, and the unnecessary necessity to walk around with clothes on? Here we are blaming it on ourselves; original sin? Original terrorist! That bastard snake went on to spawn Adolf Hitler and Alan Quaeda, and other evil people who's names begin with A.

I could go on; the murdering rats who went round spreading the plague. The cows who tried to create a nation of mentally incapable humans by turning the 'mad cow' on us - though to no avail! (Although my mother is still wondering aimlessly around the streets of the UK wielding her crazy rants on innocent passers-by in an attempt to lure them to suicide.) Then, of course, the birds got involved with their own special version of flu. And now the pigs, being lazy and unimaginative buggers, have followed suit.

Tiernan Douieb unknowingly pushed me into considering the following intellectual thought: Some say that George Orwell correctly predicted the future in his book 1984. I say he did the same with Animal Farm. The man's a genius, and probably some kind of prophet. While you read this, little Simba is sat on his throne as head of the jungle planning the next terrorist attack on innocent victims of the human race, while our elected government are barking on about the sorry state of the economy and how they absolutely will say sorry for spending the money we don't have on getting their moats all sparkly and clean.

Get your priorities right, Gordy.

Disclaimer: My mother is not a mad cow. I love her very much.

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